One and half year since I wrote my last blog post?
Huh.I am lazier than I thought I am.
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This post is dedicated to three people, my uncle, my aunt and my mother.
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The last 15-20 days have been, well, hazy.
Getting lost in a thick fog, an unexpected fog.
Not a painful situation, but you're kind of stuck, lost.
You have to wait it out.
I panicked a great deal right after the accident. I kept visualizing the faces of my parents. My father had been in a similar, a more dreadful accident this January. I had seen all the mental trauma he and my family went through for months. I couldn't even imagine putting them through it all over again. Even the thought of that made me howl. I am glad people around me mistook those cries for physical pain, because it is very difficult to explain that feeling. It still overwhelms me.
The first week was pretty stressful for everybody, with my surgery and other complications. Thankfully though, things turned out well after that. I am actually surprised that it worked out so well. Sure, the after effects were unpleasant but I had imagined things far worse.
I gotta say, I've handled this well.
I thought about others this time, not about others in reference to me but only them as people who've suddenly come across something and their reactions to it. Some people said a lot of things that would have offended the younger me. This time though, it really didn't matter. I understood those feelings and I actually didn't let them affect me. No angry outbursts, no drama.
No 'everyone is being unjust to me' feeling. Now that is a big step.
But again, there was a line that I didn't let anybody cross. I was understanding but not unguarded. I did not let any body hurt me or my family. I stood up for myself. Another big step.
I received a call from this person today, someone who wouldn't be concerned about accidents and such 'trivial' things. You know those annoyingly blunt and obnoxious assholes whom you hate because they are right, almost always? This guy is that nightmare. He surprises me occasionally, and today was one of those days.
First of all, he called. That is news. And he actually sounded concerned. We spoke for a while and it was actually a pleasant conversation. Nothing out of ordinary, but I felt immensely happy. I rarely get such pleasant surprises. It made me aware of all the love around me.
I have sailed through this unfortunate incident with such ease.
It has made me optimistic and grateful and reflective. I have not felt so thankful in a very long time. Even when my leg aches, a lot, along with the pain, I somehow feel grateful that I am now able to understand what Baba went through. There is a lot of regret there as well.
Regret and guilt that I failed to understand his pain when he needed me to understand it. When my mother needed me to comfort her. I know now, how it feels like. It has made me confident that I'll be more responsible for my loved ones now.
I'll be definitely more sensitive to pain. Physical or mental.
Again, I hardly suffered emotional upheaval. And I know that is because of all the well wishes that I have received, knowingly or unknowingly. I feel so loved. I've never felt so loved.
Thanks so much. Feeble words, compared to what I am feeling, but I won't forget this.
From my experiences, I know that you need strength to love. But you also need a lot of strength to accept love. Thanks for making me that strong and faithful, God.
I have faith in love, I do.
