Why Mumbai? Here's why!

You wake up to scenarios that you had imagined way ahead in the future, and with a pop you realize that this is it, you are an adult. (You actually start worrying about your age! Or is it just me?!)  Everything and everyone starts changing suddenly. Or maybe your perspective does?

As person who has a habit of romanticizing the past, I find changes like these very difficult to accept. 

Have you ever noticed how we start becoming cautious about people that we meet? We think ten times before becoming friends with someone and start shying away from people who are different than us. Even if we don't want to, we think about how they look, where they come from and if they are going to be useful to us sometime in the future. We hesitate to invest in people financially, psychologically and emotionally. There is also the danger of us wanting to surround ourselves with people who make us feel good about ourselves. We start making connections or contacts or networks or whatever you want to call it instead of real long lasting friendships. May be it is the fear of getting hurt, maybe it is an attempt to stay away from the truth that we might not want to hear or maybe it is just the pressure of today’s hard-to-break financial lifestyle. 

A revelation hit me when I met an old friend two months ago. I was meeting her after a very long time. I was very excited to meet her as she had been recently engaged. Sitting there in that cafe, talking to her, I had one of the most unbearable experiences I've ever had. She had changed so much. When I asked her about her fiancé I was provided with a balance sheet of his family. They had x number of flats in x number of cities, they x sources of income, they had a lot of shiny cars and they were going to spend sacks of money on the wedding, etc etc. I could hardly relate to her anymore. We spoke on many more topics and all it did was make me very agitated. This stranger was not the girl who brought me Tiffin from home every day because I missed home cooked food. I could hardly stand to see her like that. After an agonizingly long, squirmy hour, I made some excuse and literally ran home.  

I had a wake-up call. I asked myself, had I stopped being an organic friend? All relationships transition with time but was I too looking at people like assets and liabilities now? Was I becoming hard- hearted, wanting to discard people who did not fit in the script I had written for my life? How do I decide what is the right balance, what to let go of and what to clutch onto?

Adulthood is going to change you, but how much?

These questions only added to the ideological fluctuations I was having at that time. I felt extremely lonely. It was a suffocating loneliness that did not let me cry, did not let me talk to anyone and that made me feel like that child who had finally discovered that parents do not have the answer to everything in life. For the first time in my life I felt that heaviness you feel so many times as an adult. 

What do you in times like this? You talk to people who might not always tell you what you want to hear but give you their honest opinions when you ask them to. And who are these people?

Your friends!

I had a totally different itinerary, one that did not include Mumbai. I had a lot of people in Mumbai that I knew I could talk to. Old friends, new friends, people that I admired, many that I had strong bonds with. Also I had never really spent time exploring Mumbai on my own in all my visits. Two days before I left my house I impulsively decided to ditch Khajuraho and spend a few days in this city instead. 

I might disappoint you, but in the very beginning of my journey I did not do anything that I had set out to do. Instead I met and reconnected with some of the coolest people I know. 

I wandered aimlessly in the city with these friends. I got to do the whole tourist bit, visiting Gateway of India and the Chowpatty beaches. We sat for hours and had long conversations about various topics, some extremely meaningful talks and some not so much. We giggled and cried together, sharing our worst fears. Older people that I bumped into shared their experiences and how they had handled such dilemmas in their lives. I lost count of the times I squealed ‘exactly!’ with relief when someone said something that I could relate to completely.

Also what I did was that I recorded as many conversations I could on my phone. I replayed these again and again on my phone while traveling and kind of scrutinized them and thought a lot. I will come back to these conversations and the places I visited in Mumbai in another post.

Although I am still indecisive, going to Mumbai was definitely better than going to counsellor!

Open Skies

Why do you want to travel?

Why are you traveling so much?

Is all this traveling going to enhance your CV?

Traveling alone??

Is anyone paying you to travel?

You should take your brother along, no?

Oh man, you are becoming a hippie, aren't you?

A girl? Traveling alone??

How did your parents allow this?

Is it safe?

What will you gain by doing this?

Is this a part of your Master's Program?

Traveling alone??

Questions, curiosity, disapproval, jealousy, lots of blessings and some awe came my way and so did  some chirpy 'I-wish-I-could-join-you' shrieks and some sullen 'her-parents-are-going-to-regret-this' frowns. When I decided to backpack on my own, I got a variety of reactions from different people. They included some amusing reactions, some distressing, some frustrating and many that only made my resolution stronger. As I started traveling, I realized that answering these questions is a wonderful learning experience. Along with trying to convey my thoughts to the person questioning me, they give my thoughts a certain clarity. 

I've tried to find the Marathi/Hindi equivalent of backpacking but I haven't been able to find any suitable word. It is a new concept in our culture and something that is attracting many youngsters in the country now days. So for those of you who aren't familiar with the term, let me tell you the basics of it. Backpacking, which is very common in students in western countries, is different than a conventional holiday. Backpackers usually travel for  a longer time, for longer distances and keep their budget low. Many travelers prefer this way of traveling because it is much more a vacation. Getting introduced to new cultures and exploring diverse places, it is an important experience in a student's life. Getting out of your comfort zone and searching for something that even you are not sure about, sound interesting, doesn't it? For me, backpacking is an excellent way to break conventional barriers and to question the patterns that we follow without ever questioning them. 

The first time I realized I loved traveling was a few years ago. I and my cousin had decided to travel for a few days just for the sake of it. Just us two girls visiting a few relatives, a few tourist attractions and roaming around these towns on a bike while clicking pictures, talking about nothing and everything. It was nothing out of the ordinary but something that aroused in me a fondness for traveling independently. Over the years, my love for traveling grew although I hardly paid any particular attention to it. 

However, after completing my BA in Psychology and exploring the education system for a few months in Rajasthan, I started looking at traveling from a totally different perspective. It was so much more than just something that I enjoyed. It was a way of understanding how the world works, how people think, a way in which I could decide for myself, without any prejudices gifted by the society. Mark Twain puts it very aptly, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

I realized that traveling was education. It was an unadulterated form of education that not only gave me immense freedom but also an opportunity to understand who I am.

I kept reading about inspiring world leaders who had traveled around the world and had explored their own countries to unravel the mysteries of their land. Many times in these journeys, they had stumbled upon simple solutions that had helped the world in difficult times. Gondavalekar Maharaj, the saint my town is famous for, had traveled the entire Indian subcontinent on foot. And so had many other spiritual and social reformers in India, I realized.

And so, I decided to embark on a backpacking trip on my own!

 I spent days fantasizing about my journey. I spoke obsessively to people about it, I read a lot of blogs and books, I collected maps and travelling gear. While I was confined to my home due to my ligament surgeries, I got a lot of time to plan my trip and to decide what exactly I wanted to do. I kept planning a lot of tiny details and I worked hard to save money. I also made some rules for my trip.

I was going to travel only with the money that I had earned. 

I was not going to stay in hotels. I sat for days sending mails to people I didn't even know, asking them whether I could stay at their house, digging up old contacts and calling some friend of my mother's friend's sister's daughter's friend and  the likes. 

I was going to document my trip well, take a lot of pictures, write regularly in my diary and make voice recordings/video clippings whenever I could.

I was going to use public transport as much as possible.

I was going to listen more and talk less. Ask a lot of questions to anyone who would be willing to answer! (I thoroughly enjoyed being a nosy, over inquisitive pursuer!) 

I was not going to carry a smart phone.

I was going to keep my ears and eyes open, not get lost in thoughts and ignore my surroundings completely. 

I was not going to let my rules and my schedule restrict me. 

I had more than 6 months of time to travel and to develop meaningful relationships with people I hadn't even met yet. I was going to make valuable friends, I was going to visit beautiful places, I was going to learn about new cultures, I was going to meet dancers, musicians, painters and artists! I was going to meet educators and change makers, people that had worked hard towards things that they cared about!

It was a exciting dream that looked within my grasp. And I started working towards it. 

I got the chance to turn a disadvantage into a wonderful opportunity and I took it. At the end of September this year, I left my house with a backpack, a handbag and a knee brace. It felt extraordinary. I had made my dream come true! I suddenly felt so powerful. Taking that bus to Mumbai with my money and my backpack ( that I had packed and repacked like a thousand times!)  was very unshackling.

Plus the joy that I had not forgotten a single thing at home was unbeatable. Sigh. :P

I've been traveling for the past one month and intend to keep traveling till June next year. I've spend a week in the intriguing Mumbai, 15 days exploring the marvelous state of Goa and a week in the breathtaking but volatile Konkan. 

Beaches, Churches, Temples, Restaurants, Bars, Cruises, Casinos, Cafes, Bookstores, Schools, Factories. Konkani, Marathi, Hindi, Portuguese, Kannada, French. Dance, Drama, Music, Architecture. A literature festival. A Fado performance. An art festival. Culture, Heritage, Religious exchanges, People, Conflicts. The migrants, the locals.

I spent much of the last year planning this trip. And honestly after completing part of it, I have come to realize that this is just a tiny little start to what is going to be an exceptional adventure. 

चौकटीच्या बाहेर

कुठल्या तरी क्षुल्लक कारणासाठी मी रडत बसले होते. माझा एक मित्र खूप वेळ मला समजावण्याचा प्रयत्न करत होत. खूप वेळ मी रडत असल्याने शेवटी वैतागून म्हणाला, 'Come on, be a man, don't cry!'. बाई आणि पुरुषांच्या पारंपारिक भूमिका झुगारून देण्यात ह्या मित्राचा कायमच पुढाकार असतो. तो असं काहीतरी म्हणाला आणि मी एकदम चमकून त्याच्याकडे पाहू लागले. त्याला पण त्याची चूक लक्षात आली. ओशाळून माझ्याकडे पाहू लागला आणि आम्ही एकदम जोरात हसू लागलो. आपल्या रक्तात स्त्रीत्व-पुरुषत्वाच्या कल्पना किती मुरलेल्या असतात ना ? खूप प्रयत्न केला तरी कधीतरी तोल जातोच. 

दुःख न दाखवणारा, खंबीर, रक्षणकर्ता तो म्हणजे पुरुष आणि नाजूक, काहीशी दुसऱ्यांवर अवलंबून असणारी, पुरुषाच्या मुख्य भूमिकेला साथ देणारी म्हणजे स्त्री . समाजात वावरताना थोड्या फार फरकाने असे समज कायम डोकावतात. थोडं नाजूक वागणारा तो पुरुष बायल्या आणि स्त्रीच्या पारंपारिक कल्पनेत न बसणाऱ्या स्त्रीला हिजडा, आडदांड अशा शब्दांनी हिणवलं जातं.

 मी एका नृत्याच्या कार्यक्रमाला गेले होते. एका तरुणाचा डान्स सुरु झाला. माझ्याजवळ बसलेल्या काकुंचं लक्ष स्टेजवरच्या छान नाचाकडे  नव्हतं.'किती बायक्या मुलगा आहे' 'अति नाजूक मुद्रा' 'नृत्य करणारी मुलं समलिंगी होतात' 'माझ्या मुलाला मी नाचाच्या क्लासला नाही पाठवणार बाई' असा काहीसं बोलण्यात त्यांनी भरपूर वेळ घालवला. माझं कार्यक्रमातून लक्ष  उडालं आणि पूर्वदुषित ग्रहांमुळे एखाद्या सुंदर कलाकृतीला माणूस कसा मुकतो याबद्दल मी विचार करू लागले.

         'आहे मनोहर तरी' हे सुनिताबाईंच पुस्तक मी अधूनमधून  नेहेमी वाचते. परवा ते परत वाचताना त्यांचं  जी.ए. कुलकर्णी यांच्याबद्दलचं एक वाक्य खूप लक्षात राहिलं. 'I live on prejudices', गैरसमजांचा छंद जोपासणारे म्हणून त्यांनी जी.एंचा उल्लेख केला आहे. त्या माणसाचे इतर सद्गुण आपल्यात नसले तरी हा एक दुर्गुण मात्र आपल्या सर्वांमध्ये नक्की असतो. एकाद्या माणसा बद्धल काही कळलं तर ते  पडताळणी न करता आपण आपले मत ठरवतो. खाजगी आयुष्यात तर हे होतंच पण आपल्या प्रसारमाध्यमातून सुद्धा हे ठळकपणे दिसून येतं. 

 लिंगभेद सोडा, जात, भाषा, गाव यांबद्दलच्या पुर्वाग्रहामध्ये आपण इतके फसून जातो कि एखाद्या गोष्टीकडे पाहण्याची निर्मळ दृष्टी आपण गमावून बसतो. त्यामुळे समाजाने आखून दिलेली चौकट झुगारून बाहेर पडू पाहणाऱ्या व्यक्तीची खूप कुचंबणा होते.कुटुंबाची खंबीर साथ लागते आणि ती मिळाली तर समाजातले इतर घटक हात धुवून मागे लागतात. 

मुलांच्या बाबतीत म्हणायच तर, मुल खूप चुकतात आणि त्याची त्यांना थोडीफार जाणीव देखिल असते. आईवडील मात्र आपलं काही चुकत का हा विचार करतच नाहीत. या सगळ्यामध्ये आपण एकमेकांपासून दुरावतो आणि त्याला generation gap असं गोंडस नाव देतो. एकमेकांच्या पिढ्यांना नावं ठेवतो पण एकमेकांना समजून घेण्याचा प्रयत्न क्वचितच केला जातो.

 माझा मुख्य  मुद्दातर राहूनच गेला. जसा हा दोन पिढ्यांचा वाद आहे, तसाच लिंगभेदाचा पण आहे. भेदभावामुळे स्त्रियांना त्रास होतो, खूप होतो. पण पुरुषांना होणारा त्रास आपण जमेस धरत नाही. मर्दपणा वगैरे वगैरे शब्द वापरतोच की आपण.

एक किस्सा सांगते तुम्हाला. एका मुलगा अपघातात जखमी झाला.  त्याच्या बाबांना ती बातमी सहन झाली नाही आणि ते एका लहान मुलासारखे ढसढसा रडू लागले. काकूंनी पुढाकार घेवून सगळं केलं आणि काकांना सावरलं. 'पुरुषाला असं शोभत का?', 'काय गं बाई ध्यान!' असे शेरे मी त्यानंतर महिनाभर गावात ऐकत होते. पुरुषमंडळी तर बोलत होतीच पण बायकाही तोंडावर पदर धरून फिदी फिदी हसत होत्या. 

आपल्या देशात होणाऱ्या बलात्कारांमध्ये २ टक्के बलात्कार पुरुषांवर होतात. कधी वाचली आहे अशी बातमी पेपरमध्ये? याबद्दल मूक का राहतो आपण? आकडा मोठा नाही आहे म्हणून? जोपर्यंत लिंगभेद हा फक्त स्त्रियांपर्यंतच मर्यादित नाही याची आपण दखल घेत नाही, तोपर्यंत काही तोडगा निघणं अवघड आहे. महिलांसाठी कायदे , आरक्षण करून समस्या सुटतील का आपल्या? नाही, समस्या सुटण्याऐवजी स्त्रीपुरुषांमधली दरी आणखीनच वाढेल असं वाटतं. 

स्त्रियांना बरोबरीची वागणूक मिळत नाही, म्हणून सतत रागात असणाऱ्या  काही व्यक्तींना भेटले आहे मी. त्यांचा राग रास्त असला तरी विचार करण्याची ती पद्धत खूप एकांगी असते. पुरुषांनी आपल्यावर अन्याय केला म्हणून संधी मिळाली तर आपण पण तेच करणार का? tit for tat? जशास तसे? किती सूडबुद्धी लपलेली आहे त्यात. स्त्री श्रेष्ठ कि पुरुष याबद्दल खूप वाद्विवाद होतात. शाळेमध्ये असताना पण आम्ही मुली, तुम्ही मुल हे कायम व्हायचं. मुळात आपण जेन्डरला एवढं महत्व देतोच का ?

एकतर्फी विचार करून सुटण्यासारखा हा गुंता नाही. लिंगभेद ही आपल्या समाजातली एक मोठी समस्या आहे हे स्वीकारण गरजेचं आहे. पुरुषांनी आणि स्त्रियांनीही. लहानपणापासून लिंगभेद मनात रुजतो म्हणून तो तिथूनच थांबवावा लागेल. समाजात प्रत्येक स्तरावर याबद्दल संवाद होण्याची गरज आहे.

आणि रोजच्या जीवनात? जावयाला जसा मान देता तसा कधीतरी सुनेलाही देऊन बघा. आणि, सुनेला जसं हक्कानं काम सांगता तसा जावयालाही सांगून पहा. एखादी बाई जर घर सोडून बाहेर जात असेल तर तिची हेटाळणी करू नका. त्याच बरोबर जर एखाद्या स्त्रीने घरी राहण्याचा निर्णय घेतल्या तर तिनं केलेल्या त्यागाची दखल घ्या. आमच्या शिंदे काकुंसारखं, मुलगा हॉटेल management करतोय म्हणजे स्वयंपाकी होणार असा विचार करून रडत तर आजिबात बसू नका! 

शेवटी काय आहे मंडळी, बदलायचा कि नाही ते आपल्या हातात आहे. बदल करण्याची वेळ तर आली आहे. 

'Be the change you want to see in the world' असं गांधीजी म्हणायचे.  

समाजात बदल घडवून आणायचा असेल तर सुरवात स्वतःपासून करा असा या वाक्याचा अर्थ. काय म्हणताय, करायची सुरवात एकत्र ?

मला नक्की कळवा.

रोजनिशीतले एक पान..

 खूप दिवसांनी आज पहाटे  उठले. बाकी कोणत्याही गोष्टीपेक्षा लवकर उठले कि आनंद होतो. कायम लवकर उठावं, पण त्यात सुसंगता येणं जरा अवघडच आमच्यासाठी.
सूर्योदय पाहिला. चिमण्या कावळे चिव चिव, काव काव करत होते. बाहेर एक चक्कर मारून आले. पहाटेची थंडी असते, तशी थंडी होती.  कुडकुडताना मजा आली. एक मुलगा स्वेटर घालून शाळेला निघाला होता . हातात जेवणाचा डबा , इस्त्री केलेले कपडे, अगदी छान विंचरलेले केस, पावडर वगैरे. एकदम शाळेची आठवण झाली.  सकाळी सातला  सायकलवरून शाळेत हजर. त्या मुलाचा थोडा हेवा वाटला एकदम .
घरी आले , चहा केला. आई बरोबर बसून प्यायला . तिनं केलेलं  उप्पीट खात असताना बाहेर एक भिक्षुक बाहेर येऊन सुंदर गाणं म्हणू लागला . बाहेर जाऊन बसले त्याचं गाणं ऐकत. एका हातात छोटी पेटी, कपाळावर गंधाचा टिळा. अगदी नेटनेटका अवतार आणि सुरेल अवाज. नुसते  पैसे मागण्याऱ्या लोकांपेक्षा ह्याला पाहून खूप प्रसन्न वाटलं . त्याच्याशी गप्पा मारायच्या होत्या पण राहूदे म्हणलं. परत कधीतरी.
मग एक्वेरियम मधले मासे पाहत बसले. आई परत झोपली  होती . थकली असेल, रात्री उगाच काळजी करत बसली होती . आता उठवावासं नाही वाटलं . झोपलेल्या माणसांकड पाहताना शांत वाटतं. तेवढाच वेळ बहुतेक आपण मुखवटे काढून बाजूला ठेवतो .
बसल्या बसल्या तेंडुलकरांची एक कथा वाचून काढली. त्यांनी त्यांच्या विशीत लिहिलेली. साखरपुड्याच्या दिवशी मुलगा एकदम लग्नाच्या भीतीने नकार कळवतो* आणि मुलगी नंतर त्याला जाब विचारायला येते अशी सरळ गोष्ट होती, पण शेवटी ती तेंडुलकरांची कथा. पुढच्या कथा वाचण्या अगोदर ह्या कथेबद्दल थोडा विचार करावासा वाटलं म्हणून पुस्तक बाजूला ठेवून बसले. डायरी काढून थोडा लिहून काढलं. कथेबद्दलंच न लिहिता अजून पण खूप काही लिहिलं. हे असलं मुक्तलेखन आवडत जास्त. काही विचार  न करता मनात येईल ते भरभर लिहणं.
जर मन भारावलं मग.  त्या शाळकरी मुलाचा विचार मनात परत आला, मग त्या चिमण्यांचा.
दुरून डोंगर साजरे म्हणतात , तसाच प्रकार हा. त्या चिमण्यांना असतीलच कि त्यांची दुखं, पण ह्या क्षणाला तरी तो डोंगर नक्कीच साजरा  आहे असं वाटतं  आहे.
आपण स्वप्नं भरपूर बघतो आणि स्वतःकडून काही अपेक्षा करू लागतो . खऱ्या जगात आलो की त्या अपेक्षा आणि सत्य परिस्थितीमध्ये तफावत बघून निराश होताना खूप जणांना पाहिलं आहे मी . हाच खरा संघर्ष असतो. इथंच आपण आपला मार्ग निवडतो. 'ह्या देशाचं असंच चालायचं' हे म्हणायचं, ' हा ढोंगी देश आपल्यासाठी नाही, आपण बुवा निघालो इथून' का  'हो, बिघडलंय खूप काही म्हणूनचं ते रुळावर आणायचं' हा  विचार करायचा हे माझ्या हातात आहे.  असे बरेचसे प्रश्न आहेत म्हणा.
चिमण्यांना काय, किंवा त्या शाळेतल्या मुलाला ह्या प्रश्नांना उत्तर शोधावं नाही  लागणार आहे. मला पण अगदी दिवस रात्र ह्याबद्दल विचार करायची गरज नाहीये खरं तर. हाती मोकळा वेळ भरपूर आहे म्हणून उगाच हे सगळं. पाण्यात पडले कि सगळे शिकतात पोहायला, त्याच्याबद्दल अगोदर खूप विचार केला तर मात्र उगाच शंका वाटते.
 विचार करता करता इंटरनेट उघडून काही बाही वाचत बसले. बाकीचा दिवस कशातच लक्ष नाही लागलं. राहून राहून थोड  भरून येत होतं.
अजून एक काहीसा निरर्थक, काहीसा विवेकी दिवस. दिशा किंवा समाधान मात्र नाही.




* Cold feet ला मराठी शब्द आहे तरी का?