Open Skies

Why do you want to travel?

Why are you traveling so much?

Is all this traveling going to enhance your CV?

Traveling alone??

Is anyone paying you to travel?

You should take your brother along, no?

Oh man, you are becoming a hippie, aren't you?

A girl? Traveling alone??

How did your parents allow this?

Is it safe?

What will you gain by doing this?

Is this a part of your Master's Program?

Traveling alone??

Questions, curiosity, disapproval, jealousy, lots of blessings and some awe came my way and so did  some chirpy 'I-wish-I-could-join-you' shrieks and some sullen 'her-parents-are-going-to-regret-this' frowns. When I decided to backpack on my own, I got a variety of reactions from different people. They included some amusing reactions, some distressing, some frustrating and many that only made my resolution stronger. As I started traveling, I realized that answering these questions is a wonderful learning experience. Along with trying to convey my thoughts to the person questioning me, they give my thoughts a certain clarity. 

I've tried to find the Marathi/Hindi equivalent of backpacking but I haven't been able to find any suitable word. It is a new concept in our culture and something that is attracting many youngsters in the country now days. So for those of you who aren't familiar with the term, let me tell you the basics of it. Backpacking, which is very common in students in western countries, is different than a conventional holiday. Backpackers usually travel for  a longer time, for longer distances and keep their budget low. Many travelers prefer this way of traveling because it is much more a vacation. Getting introduced to new cultures and exploring diverse places, it is an important experience in a student's life. Getting out of your comfort zone and searching for something that even you are not sure about, sound interesting, doesn't it? For me, backpacking is an excellent way to break conventional barriers and to question the patterns that we follow without ever questioning them. 

The first time I realized I loved traveling was a few years ago. I and my cousin had decided to travel for a few days just for the sake of it. Just us two girls visiting a few relatives, a few tourist attractions and roaming around these towns on a bike while clicking pictures, talking about nothing and everything. It was nothing out of the ordinary but something that aroused in me a fondness for traveling independently. Over the years, my love for traveling grew although I hardly paid any particular attention to it. 

However, after completing my BA in Psychology and exploring the education system for a few months in Rajasthan, I started looking at traveling from a totally different perspective. It was so much more than just something that I enjoyed. It was a way of understanding how the world works, how people think, a way in which I could decide for myself, without any prejudices gifted by the society. Mark Twain puts it very aptly, “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.”

I realized that traveling was education. It was an unadulterated form of education that not only gave me immense freedom but also an opportunity to understand who I am.

I kept reading about inspiring world leaders who had traveled around the world and had explored their own countries to unravel the mysteries of their land. Many times in these journeys, they had stumbled upon simple solutions that had helped the world in difficult times. Gondavalekar Maharaj, the saint my town is famous for, had traveled the entire Indian subcontinent on foot. And so had many other spiritual and social reformers in India, I realized.

And so, I decided to embark on a backpacking trip on my own!

 I spent days fantasizing about my journey. I spoke obsessively to people about it, I read a lot of blogs and books, I collected maps and travelling gear. While I was confined to my home due to my ligament surgeries, I got a lot of time to plan my trip and to decide what exactly I wanted to do. I kept planning a lot of tiny details and I worked hard to save money. I also made some rules for my trip.

I was going to travel only with the money that I had earned. 

I was not going to stay in hotels. I sat for days sending mails to people I didn't even know, asking them whether I could stay at their house, digging up old contacts and calling some friend of my mother's friend's sister's daughter's friend and  the likes. 

I was going to document my trip well, take a lot of pictures, write regularly in my diary and make voice recordings/video clippings whenever I could.

I was going to use public transport as much as possible.

I was going to listen more and talk less. Ask a lot of questions to anyone who would be willing to answer! (I thoroughly enjoyed being a nosy, over inquisitive pursuer!) 

I was not going to carry a smart phone.

I was going to keep my ears and eyes open, not get lost in thoughts and ignore my surroundings completely. 

I was not going to let my rules and my schedule restrict me. 

I had more than 6 months of time to travel and to develop meaningful relationships with people I hadn't even met yet. I was going to make valuable friends, I was going to visit beautiful places, I was going to learn about new cultures, I was going to meet dancers, musicians, painters and artists! I was going to meet educators and change makers, people that had worked hard towards things that they cared about!

It was a exciting dream that looked within my grasp. And I started working towards it. 

I got the chance to turn a disadvantage into a wonderful opportunity and I took it. At the end of September this year, I left my house with a backpack, a handbag and a knee brace. It felt extraordinary. I had made my dream come true! I suddenly felt so powerful. Taking that bus to Mumbai with my money and my backpack ( that I had packed and repacked like a thousand times!)  was very unshackling.

Plus the joy that I had not forgotten a single thing at home was unbeatable. Sigh. :P

I've been traveling for the past one month and intend to keep traveling till June next year. I've spend a week in the intriguing Mumbai, 15 days exploring the marvelous state of Goa and a week in the breathtaking but volatile Konkan. 

Beaches, Churches, Temples, Restaurants, Bars, Cruises, Casinos, Cafes, Bookstores, Schools, Factories. Konkani, Marathi, Hindi, Portuguese, Kannada, French. Dance, Drama, Music, Architecture. A literature festival. A Fado performance. An art festival. Culture, Heritage, Religious exchanges, People, Conflicts. The migrants, the locals.

I spent much of the last year planning this trip. And honestly after completing part of it, I have come to realize that this is just a tiny little start to what is going to be an exceptional adventure. 

चौकटीच्या बाहेर

कुठल्या तरी क्षुल्लक कारणासाठी मी रडत बसले होते. माझा एक मित्र खूप वेळ मला समजावण्याचा प्रयत्न करत होत. खूप वेळ मी रडत असल्याने शेवटी वैतागून म्हणाला, 'Come on, be a man, don't cry!'. बाई आणि पुरुषांच्या पारंपारिक भूमिका झुगारून देण्यात ह्या मित्राचा कायमच पुढाकार असतो. तो असं काहीतरी म्हणाला आणि मी एकदम चमकून त्याच्याकडे पाहू लागले. त्याला पण त्याची चूक लक्षात आली. ओशाळून माझ्याकडे पाहू लागला आणि आम्ही एकदम जोरात हसू लागलो. आपल्या रक्तात स्त्रीत्व-पुरुषत्वाच्या कल्पना किती मुरलेल्या असतात ना ? खूप प्रयत्न केला तरी कधीतरी तोल जातोच. 

दुःख न दाखवणारा, खंबीर, रक्षणकर्ता तो म्हणजे पुरुष आणि नाजूक, काहीशी दुसऱ्यांवर अवलंबून असणारी, पुरुषाच्या मुख्य भूमिकेला साथ देणारी म्हणजे स्त्री . समाजात वावरताना थोड्या फार फरकाने असे समज कायम डोकावतात. थोडं नाजूक वागणारा तो पुरुष बायल्या आणि स्त्रीच्या पारंपारिक कल्पनेत न बसणाऱ्या स्त्रीला हिजडा, आडदांड अशा शब्दांनी हिणवलं जातं.

 मी एका नृत्याच्या कार्यक्रमाला गेले होते. एका तरुणाचा डान्स सुरु झाला. माझ्याजवळ बसलेल्या काकुंचं लक्ष स्टेजवरच्या छान नाचाकडे  नव्हतं.'किती बायक्या मुलगा आहे' 'अति नाजूक मुद्रा' 'नृत्य करणारी मुलं समलिंगी होतात' 'माझ्या मुलाला मी नाचाच्या क्लासला नाही पाठवणार बाई' असा काहीसं बोलण्यात त्यांनी भरपूर वेळ घालवला. माझं कार्यक्रमातून लक्ष  उडालं आणि पूर्वदुषित ग्रहांमुळे एखाद्या सुंदर कलाकृतीला माणूस कसा मुकतो याबद्दल मी विचार करू लागले.

         'आहे मनोहर तरी' हे सुनिताबाईंच पुस्तक मी अधूनमधून  नेहेमी वाचते. परवा ते परत वाचताना त्यांचं  जी.ए. कुलकर्णी यांच्याबद्दलचं एक वाक्य खूप लक्षात राहिलं. 'I live on prejudices', गैरसमजांचा छंद जोपासणारे म्हणून त्यांनी जी.एंचा उल्लेख केला आहे. त्या माणसाचे इतर सद्गुण आपल्यात नसले तरी हा एक दुर्गुण मात्र आपल्या सर्वांमध्ये नक्की असतो. एकाद्या माणसा बद्धल काही कळलं तर ते  पडताळणी न करता आपण आपले मत ठरवतो. खाजगी आयुष्यात तर हे होतंच पण आपल्या प्रसारमाध्यमातून सुद्धा हे ठळकपणे दिसून येतं. 

 लिंगभेद सोडा, जात, भाषा, गाव यांबद्दलच्या पुर्वाग्रहामध्ये आपण इतके फसून जातो कि एखाद्या गोष्टीकडे पाहण्याची निर्मळ दृष्टी आपण गमावून बसतो. त्यामुळे समाजाने आखून दिलेली चौकट झुगारून बाहेर पडू पाहणाऱ्या व्यक्तीची खूप कुचंबणा होते.कुटुंबाची खंबीर साथ लागते आणि ती मिळाली तर समाजातले इतर घटक हात धुवून मागे लागतात. 

मुलांच्या बाबतीत म्हणायच तर, मुल खूप चुकतात आणि त्याची त्यांना थोडीफार जाणीव देखिल असते. आईवडील मात्र आपलं काही चुकत का हा विचार करतच नाहीत. या सगळ्यामध्ये आपण एकमेकांपासून दुरावतो आणि त्याला generation gap असं गोंडस नाव देतो. एकमेकांच्या पिढ्यांना नावं ठेवतो पण एकमेकांना समजून घेण्याचा प्रयत्न क्वचितच केला जातो.

 माझा मुख्य  मुद्दातर राहूनच गेला. जसा हा दोन पिढ्यांचा वाद आहे, तसाच लिंगभेदाचा पण आहे. भेदभावामुळे स्त्रियांना त्रास होतो, खूप होतो. पण पुरुषांना होणारा त्रास आपण जमेस धरत नाही. मर्दपणा वगैरे वगैरे शब्द वापरतोच की आपण.

एक किस्सा सांगते तुम्हाला. एका मुलगा अपघातात जखमी झाला.  त्याच्या बाबांना ती बातमी सहन झाली नाही आणि ते एका लहान मुलासारखे ढसढसा रडू लागले. काकूंनी पुढाकार घेवून सगळं केलं आणि काकांना सावरलं. 'पुरुषाला असं शोभत का?', 'काय गं बाई ध्यान!' असे शेरे मी त्यानंतर महिनाभर गावात ऐकत होते. पुरुषमंडळी तर बोलत होतीच पण बायकाही तोंडावर पदर धरून फिदी फिदी हसत होत्या. 

आपल्या देशात होणाऱ्या बलात्कारांमध्ये २ टक्के बलात्कार पुरुषांवर होतात. कधी वाचली आहे अशी बातमी पेपरमध्ये? याबद्दल मूक का राहतो आपण? आकडा मोठा नाही आहे म्हणून? जोपर्यंत लिंगभेद हा फक्त स्त्रियांपर्यंतच मर्यादित नाही याची आपण दखल घेत नाही, तोपर्यंत काही तोडगा निघणं अवघड आहे. महिलांसाठी कायदे , आरक्षण करून समस्या सुटतील का आपल्या? नाही, समस्या सुटण्याऐवजी स्त्रीपुरुषांमधली दरी आणखीनच वाढेल असं वाटतं. 

स्त्रियांना बरोबरीची वागणूक मिळत नाही, म्हणून सतत रागात असणाऱ्या  काही व्यक्तींना भेटले आहे मी. त्यांचा राग रास्त असला तरी विचार करण्याची ती पद्धत खूप एकांगी असते. पुरुषांनी आपल्यावर अन्याय केला म्हणून संधी मिळाली तर आपण पण तेच करणार का? tit for tat? जशास तसे? किती सूडबुद्धी लपलेली आहे त्यात. स्त्री श्रेष्ठ कि पुरुष याबद्दल खूप वाद्विवाद होतात. शाळेमध्ये असताना पण आम्ही मुली, तुम्ही मुल हे कायम व्हायचं. मुळात आपण जेन्डरला एवढं महत्व देतोच का ?

एकतर्फी विचार करून सुटण्यासारखा हा गुंता नाही. लिंगभेद ही आपल्या समाजातली एक मोठी समस्या आहे हे स्वीकारण गरजेचं आहे. पुरुषांनी आणि स्त्रियांनीही. लहानपणापासून लिंगभेद मनात रुजतो म्हणून तो तिथूनच थांबवावा लागेल. समाजात प्रत्येक स्तरावर याबद्दल संवाद होण्याची गरज आहे.

आणि रोजच्या जीवनात? जावयाला जसा मान देता तसा कधीतरी सुनेलाही देऊन बघा. आणि, सुनेला जसं हक्कानं काम सांगता तसा जावयालाही सांगून पहा. एखादी बाई जर घर सोडून बाहेर जात असेल तर तिची हेटाळणी करू नका. त्याच बरोबर जर एखाद्या स्त्रीने घरी राहण्याचा निर्णय घेतल्या तर तिनं केलेल्या त्यागाची दखल घ्या. आमच्या शिंदे काकुंसारखं, मुलगा हॉटेल management करतोय म्हणजे स्वयंपाकी होणार असा विचार करून रडत तर आजिबात बसू नका! 

शेवटी काय आहे मंडळी, बदलायचा कि नाही ते आपल्या हातात आहे. बदल करण्याची वेळ तर आली आहे. 

'Be the change you want to see in the world' असं गांधीजी म्हणायचे.  

समाजात बदल घडवून आणायचा असेल तर सुरवात स्वतःपासून करा असा या वाक्याचा अर्थ. काय म्हणताय, करायची सुरवात एकत्र ?

मला नक्की कळवा.

रोजनिशीतले एक पान..

 खूप दिवसांनी आज पहाटे  उठले. बाकी कोणत्याही गोष्टीपेक्षा लवकर उठले कि आनंद होतो. कायम लवकर उठावं, पण त्यात सुसंगता येणं जरा अवघडच आमच्यासाठी.
सूर्योदय पाहिला. चिमण्या कावळे चिव चिव, काव काव करत होते. बाहेर एक चक्कर मारून आले. पहाटेची थंडी असते, तशी थंडी होती.  कुडकुडताना मजा आली. एक मुलगा स्वेटर घालून शाळेला निघाला होता . हातात जेवणाचा डबा , इस्त्री केलेले कपडे, अगदी छान विंचरलेले केस, पावडर वगैरे. एकदम शाळेची आठवण झाली.  सकाळी सातला  सायकलवरून शाळेत हजर. त्या मुलाचा थोडा हेवा वाटला एकदम .
घरी आले , चहा केला. आई बरोबर बसून प्यायला . तिनं केलेलं  उप्पीट खात असताना बाहेर एक भिक्षुक बाहेर येऊन सुंदर गाणं म्हणू लागला . बाहेर जाऊन बसले त्याचं गाणं ऐकत. एका हातात छोटी पेटी, कपाळावर गंधाचा टिळा. अगदी नेटनेटका अवतार आणि सुरेल अवाज. नुसते  पैसे मागण्याऱ्या लोकांपेक्षा ह्याला पाहून खूप प्रसन्न वाटलं . त्याच्याशी गप्पा मारायच्या होत्या पण राहूदे म्हणलं. परत कधीतरी.
मग एक्वेरियम मधले मासे पाहत बसले. आई परत झोपली  होती . थकली असेल, रात्री उगाच काळजी करत बसली होती . आता उठवावासं नाही वाटलं . झोपलेल्या माणसांकड पाहताना शांत वाटतं. तेवढाच वेळ बहुतेक आपण मुखवटे काढून बाजूला ठेवतो .
बसल्या बसल्या तेंडुलकरांची एक कथा वाचून काढली. त्यांनी त्यांच्या विशीत लिहिलेली. साखरपुड्याच्या दिवशी मुलगा एकदम लग्नाच्या भीतीने नकार कळवतो* आणि मुलगी नंतर त्याला जाब विचारायला येते अशी सरळ गोष्ट होती, पण शेवटी ती तेंडुलकरांची कथा. पुढच्या कथा वाचण्या अगोदर ह्या कथेबद्दल थोडा विचार करावासा वाटलं म्हणून पुस्तक बाजूला ठेवून बसले. डायरी काढून थोडा लिहून काढलं. कथेबद्दलंच न लिहिता अजून पण खूप काही लिहिलं. हे असलं मुक्तलेखन आवडत जास्त. काही विचार  न करता मनात येईल ते भरभर लिहणं.
जर मन भारावलं मग.  त्या शाळकरी मुलाचा विचार मनात परत आला, मग त्या चिमण्यांचा.
दुरून डोंगर साजरे म्हणतात , तसाच प्रकार हा. त्या चिमण्यांना असतीलच कि त्यांची दुखं, पण ह्या क्षणाला तरी तो डोंगर नक्कीच साजरा  आहे असं वाटतं  आहे.
आपण स्वप्नं भरपूर बघतो आणि स्वतःकडून काही अपेक्षा करू लागतो . खऱ्या जगात आलो की त्या अपेक्षा आणि सत्य परिस्थितीमध्ये तफावत बघून निराश होताना खूप जणांना पाहिलं आहे मी . हाच खरा संघर्ष असतो. इथंच आपण आपला मार्ग निवडतो. 'ह्या देशाचं असंच चालायचं' हे म्हणायचं, ' हा ढोंगी देश आपल्यासाठी नाही, आपण बुवा निघालो इथून' का  'हो, बिघडलंय खूप काही म्हणूनचं ते रुळावर आणायचं' हा  विचार करायचा हे माझ्या हातात आहे.  असे बरेचसे प्रश्न आहेत म्हणा.
चिमण्यांना काय, किंवा त्या शाळेतल्या मुलाला ह्या प्रश्नांना उत्तर शोधावं नाही  लागणार आहे. मला पण अगदी दिवस रात्र ह्याबद्दल विचार करायची गरज नाहीये खरं तर. हाती मोकळा वेळ भरपूर आहे म्हणून उगाच हे सगळं. पाण्यात पडले कि सगळे शिकतात पोहायला, त्याच्याबद्दल अगोदर खूप विचार केला तर मात्र उगाच शंका वाटते.
 विचार करता करता इंटरनेट उघडून काही बाही वाचत बसले. बाकीचा दिवस कशातच लक्ष नाही लागलं. राहून राहून थोड  भरून येत होतं.
अजून एक काहीसा निरर्थक, काहीसा विवेकी दिवस. दिशा किंवा समाधान मात्र नाही.




* Cold feet ला मराठी शब्द आहे तरी का?

Savera, I'll miss you.

I am usually very dramatic with good bye and thank you but today I don't care because it is about Savera.

Savera is closing down.

Thud.

Heart failure.

You dream about some things and they actually come true. They come true, with added bonus. As a kid even when I hadn't seen Fergusson, I knew that I would study there. With Fergusson, came Savera. And Savera become my Central Perk, my Adda. For five years, 'I am in college' meant 'I am in Savera'.

A few days back, my brother sent me a newsapaper clipping on Whatsapp. Due to rental issues, Savera was shutting down. I called him frantically, had he confirmed with Chetan anna? and yes, he had. Then just to be sure and hoping that atleast he will deny it, I called another Savera loyal. And then another and then another. By the end of the day, I had called and messaged almost everyone from my phone list. And although a few could not understand my agony, those who were Savera regulars sympathized with me.

I mean, How could it?

I  had heard rumors that they were going to change the name of Fergusson, and a lot of other stuff. But Savera closing down? Never dreamt about it, Naha. How could it? I mean I had dreamt about bringing my kids to Savera one day. Telling  them stories about my Savera times, my college and all the crazy bhai log that I had met in Savera. Anna would be greying, I would introduce my kids to Paneer fish pickle. They would love it. Everyone loves it.

Wake up. Go to Savera. Order a Idli Sambar, dip karun. Have bread toast and fiter coffee(Anna, Glass madhe!!) with it. Chatter with people around, spot someone you haven't met in days. Forget all about college. Who needs to attend lectures when you meet everyone in Savera? Plus, all the Annas, we came to Savera for them. They knew all about us and they were our confidants. They knew our Individual preferences, our likes, our dislikes. Our Exams, Our festivals, Projects. College gossip. Future dreams. Everything.

Savera is not only special to us, but to a lot of oldies that I've seen in Savera every morning. I never asked them about their Savera stories, I always assumed that I'll do that one day, Savera was always going to be there. I guess I missed out on some wonderful stories. Ah.

Now with Savera, Namaskar and Deewar are closing down too. How will FC road feel without them? Where are we going to share a paper Dosa when we are broke?  Spend hours completing journals on just a Nimbu Soda? Sitting alone eating, but not alone really, you always meet someone you know.

I wish I could have one last meal in Savera, order every dish that I love, have a goodbye thing with friends. Thank all the Annas. Stay there all day. I am not there though, which makes it hard and easy at the same time. To all those who are there, have fun. Have one last amazing, crazy Savera day. And give each Anna a big warm hug from me.

Savera, I'll miss you.

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I made my friend Luv go to Savera on the last day after writing this post. He went there with a print out of my blog post and glued it to the wall among hundreds of other messages, written all over the wall by Savera loyals. 

Beholden

One and half year since I wrote my last blog post?

Huh.I am lazier than I thought I am.

..

This post is dedicated to three people, my uncle, my aunt and my mother.

..

The last 15-20 days have been, well, hazy.

Getting lost in a thick fog, an unexpected fog.

Not a painful situation, but you're kind of stuck, lost.

You have to wait it out.

I panicked a great deal right after the accident. I kept visualizing the faces of my parents. My father had been in a similar, a more dreadful accident this January. I had seen all the mental trauma he and my family went through for months. I couldn't even imagine putting them through it all over again. Even the thought of that made me howl. I am glad people around me mistook those cries for physical pain, because it is very difficult to explain that feeling. It still overwhelms me.

The first week was pretty stressful for everybody, with my surgery and other complications. Thankfully though, things turned out well after that. I am actually surprised that it worked out so well. Sure, the after effects were unpleasant but I had imagined things far worse.

I gotta say, I've handled this well. 

I thought about others this time, not about others in reference to me but only them as people who've suddenly come across something and their reactions to it. Some people said a lot of things that would have offended the younger me. This time though, it really didn't matter. I understood those feelings and I actually didn't let them affect me. No angry outbursts, no drama.

No 'everyone is being unjust to me' feeling. Now that is a big step.

But again, there was a line that I didn't let anybody cross. I was understanding but not unguarded. I did not let any body hurt me or my family. I stood up for myself. Another big step.

I received a call from this person today, someone who wouldn't be concerned about accidents and such 'trivial' things. You know those annoyingly blunt and obnoxious assholes whom you hate because they are right, almost always? This guy is that nightmare. He surprises me occasionally, and today was one of those days.

First of all, he called. That is news. And he actually sounded concerned. We spoke for a while and it was actually a pleasant conversation. Nothing out of ordinary, but I felt immensely happy. I rarely get such pleasant surprises. It made me aware of all the love around me.

I have sailed through this unfortunate incident with such ease.

It has made me optimistic and grateful and reflective. I have not felt so thankful in a very long time. Even when my leg aches, a lot, along with the pain, I somehow feel grateful that I am now able to understand what Baba went through. There is a lot of regret there as well.

Regret and guilt that I failed to understand his pain when he needed me to understand it. When my mother needed me to comfort her. I know now, how it feels like. It has made me confident that I'll be more responsible for my loved ones now.

I'll be definitely more sensitive to pain. Physical or mental.

Again, I hardly suffered emotional upheaval. And I know that is because of all the well wishes that I have received, knowingly or unknowingly. I feel so loved. I've never felt so loved.

Thanks so much. Feeble words, compared to what I am feeling, but I won't forget this.

From my experiences, I know that you need strength to love. But you also need a lot of strength to accept love. Thanks for making me that strong and faithful, God.

I have faith in love, I do.